Today was not the good news I was hoping for. Not at all. My beta dropped from 88 to 74.... this cycle is officially over for us. I am so so sad.I just wanted this SO much for M and G. I Am stopping all meds as of today and waiting to start my period.
I have to take the time here to state that I think M is one of the strongest women I have ever met. She astonishes and inspires me. She has been through SO much in the past few years and I just want so badly to bring her the child she wants. She *seemed* to take today's news better than I did. Somehow I think much of that was a front to try and make me feel better, but the fact that in that moment she was more concerned with how *I* was feeling than herself is a true testament to her character and only solidifies my commitment to bring this family a child no matter what it takes.
M.... I know you will read this at some point and I just want you to know I love you. We'll get there, that much I promise you.
SO... I sat down had a good cry... and although I am still thoroughly bummed I am going to pick myself up and move on to next cycle because really there isn't anything else TO do. Crying over spilled milk will get us nowhere. We will focus on getting pregnant again. So the plan... since my levels were never really that high this cycle Dr Penzias sees no reason in waiting and the plan is to do a back to back cycle. I have more bloodwork scheduled for next week and hopefully in that time I will start my period and my beta will drop to zero. As long as that happens I will start meds again right away and we will transfer again two weeks later. So right now we are looking at mid-December if my body cooperates.
We had named this vial Frosty and Freeze..... so I felt the need to name the upcoming vial too... while I cannot claim originality in this because i have seen another surro do it..... I am going to play off my love of Dr Suess and name the second vial Thing 1 and Thing 2.
And my new motto shall be...... all I want for Christmas is a BFP!!! (Big fat positive!)
Grant growing up!!
3 hours ago
4 comments:
I am so sorry about the results. I will be praying for you and for M and G. And praying for a BFP too.
Jen- I am so, so sorry to hear the news. I thought for sure everything would have worked because the numbers were doubling before. I am shocked! I will pray for you and your IP's and I know the next one will be the miracle you are all waiting for.
BIG (((HUGs)))
Sorry things did not turnout better. I had a chemical the firs time too, and it always hard. I will be wishing you all the best in your next cycle. I am glad they are not making you wait.
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